Memories of 10 years ago

11 Sept. 2001

Approx. 08:45

I wake up and get out of bed. I go turn the computer on to let it boot up while I did the normal morning stuff. Bathroom, something to drink. I come back to the computer and connect to the Internet. Upon entering my usual chatroom I am told by some of our friends in the UK to turn on our TV. (This is about 08:55) A plane had hit the World Trade Center. I grab the remote and turn it on. We talk about what an awful accident it is. Little did we know in just a few short minutes we would witness the plane hit the second tower.

09:03

We watch in horror as the second plane hits. I knew then for sure this was no accident. We continue to watch in silence to the reports on TV. I was completely stunned as I watched. I remember thinking of my great-grandmother who had just passed away in May. She would have been horrified had she lived to see. She remembered Pearl Harbor all too well.

09:37

We learn that a third plane has struck, but this time in DC at the Pentagon. At this point I wonder, just how many planes will these assholes use today. I also think about how many planes I know are in the air and it could be a lot. It is a very frightening thought.

09:59

I have been awake a little over an hour as I watch the South Tower collapse. The first words from my mouth are said in a hushed voice, “Oh my God. All the Firefighters are still in there.” I know they were. You see I am a Volunteer Firefighter in my home town at the time. I would have been in there too. So I know that FDNY guys are in there and I just watched them die. I may not know them personally but they are brothers to me. It was about this time I said the next tower could go as well. I hope they are telling the firefighters to leave but I know they might not. There are more people to save and a fire to fight.

10:03

We learn that a fourth plane has crashed in Pennsylvania. You can't help but wonder how many more. The news was also telling us the government was telling all planes to land. It is a scary thought.

10:28

The North Tower collapses. Again I know that the FDNY and other emergency responders are in there. (No disrespect to the other people who worked there and didn't make it out. But as a former Volunteer Firefighter I can't help but think of them.)

12:00

We learn they are evacuating people from Lower Manhattan. I know of someone who works there and wonders if she is ok. I do not know exactly where her office is. I pray she is ok.

12:16 We learn that all commercial and private planes are now out of the sky.

We continue to watch the coverage all day long. It was a sad day for me and everyone in the US. At one point I walk outside to just get some fresh air and the day is amazing. Sunny and green. I looked up and saw no contrails from planes and the world seemed amazingly quiet. Like even it knew, it was a sad day.

None of us as been the same since. Our world as we know it will never be the same. Our innocence lost on that September day. I catch myself watching others more closely, especially in airports and other large groups. It is as if I am afraid that something else will happen. I don't want other people to attack us and I don't want to attack them.

I just want to live in peace.

I don't know if it will ever happen, even our own country is divided. It is very sad. We are on the road to destroy ourselves quicker then anyone outside can. Every single one of us needs to remember.

United we Stand, Divided we Fall.

Home

So the other day at work, I was listening to my iPod at work and a bunch of older songs came on, mainly the old KISS stuff. Well it made me start remembering when I was a kid in the late 70's. And it made me a little sad. But first the good stuff. I was so obsessed with KISS. Our basement became my hangout. I had my own little stereo. It was an eight track player with speakers and a record player. I could go down there and play it loud and it didn't bother anyone, not even Mom and Dad. When mom wanted me she would flip the light on the stairs on and off to get my attention. I had KISS posters, pictures and stuff all over the walls. It was awesome!

But what I couldn't help but think about was the way our neighborhood was back then. You see, I lived with my Great-Grandparents. They raised me and their house was my home. Let me tell you a little about it.

We lived on Maple St and another street came in across from us in a T intersection. It was Holcome St. So across the street at the corner of Holcome and Maple was Frank and Rose Barber. He drove a coal truck and I remember watching him come home a lot. The truck was big, bigger then anything else on the block. On the other corner of Holcome and Maple was Irene and Rubin Sexton. They were good friends with my parents, and an older couple. He worked at Barker's Department store. I grew up calling them Uncle Rube and Aunt Irene.

Up on Main was Garnet Carcio who worked at our Store. (Dad was the local Pharmacist and owned the pharmacy) Our store was Horton Brothers and Brown.

My next door neighbors on one side where the Bakers, who owned Bakers Department store. Van and Justine Baker with their two sons. Van Jr and Boyd. I grew up playing with Van and Boyd. They were my best buds till about the time I hit 12 years old.

Now our street met Main St. We lived about 5 blocks from the middle of downtown Grayson. As I got older I could walk or ride my bike to town by myself.

But anyways, I am getting off track as to way thinking about this makes me sad. You see I realized that all the good people like that are gone. They have all passed on. And those of us who are left don't even live there anymore. I mean I'm gone, living in MN, Boyd lives out in California and last I heard Van lived in Ohio or something. Van Sr. passed away, along with Uncle Rube, Aunt Irene, Frank and Rose Barber and Aunt Garnet. Mom and Dad are gone too. It was a great place to grow up. Good neighbors, good town. Its sad that they are all gone. I almost broke down at work and cried.

I'm flying home in a few weeks for my High School reunion and I will go to my old house, it's owned now by with woman who gave birth to me. I call her Vicki, because she been more like an older sister then my mom. I don't mean that in a mean way its just the way things played out. But I will look around that neighborhood and remember those faces of those people. It is all strangers living in those houses except for my old place and the Barbers. Their grandson owns their old house now. Its sad. But I will do my best to remember the good stuff. But it will be hard.

The Rapture!

According to some (Look here for who 5/21/2011 ) the Rapture is happening Saturday. If you don't know what the Rapture is, you must be living under a rock. The Rapture will be when Jesus Christ returns to earth and God will pass judgment on everyone living. Now if you believe such things and have been "saved" you will get to ascend into Heaven for all eternity. Those of us left will endure the End Times. Five months of wars, pestilence and anything else horrible you can think of. Then on 10-21-2011 The End of the World.

Well seeing as I am a Lesbian that means I will not get to experience the Rapture. I mean I'm evil I have to stay behind. You really can't be a homosexual and a good god fearing christian. The bible says that homos are evil and must be destroyed, right? But then again...a wife should be subservient to their husbands and do whatever they want right? I mean cause Eve was a bad girl it means that women are not good enough to lead. (women have poor judgment) The man always knows what's best. So does this mean that women who do not bow to the wishes of their husbands don't get to go either? Just a thought.

Oh and does it not say "IN" the bible that no man shall know the time of Christ's coming? Well as a matter of fact it does say that. Mark 13:31-33 "Heaven and Earth shall pass away: but my words shall not pass away. But of that day and that hour knoweth no man, no, not the angles which are in heaven, neither the Son, but the Father. Take ye heed, watch and pray: for ye know not when the time is." - KJV

Well I guess this means that Saturday can't be the Rapture. Because according to the bible "No one knows but God" when that time is. Is that man who is saying the date is May 21, 2011 reading the mind of God? I don't think so. I love how some people twist and make the bible say what they want it to say but they also conveniently ignore other parts. Another thing...In the quote (From my own bible even) it says that Heaven and Earth shall pass away. Well ok..where are the people who are going up in the Rapture going then, if Heaven is passing away? Just a simple question.

So yeah, I think nothing will happen Saturday other then I will be working. Then come home and find something to eat. That will be my big excitement for Saturday. And on the off chance that nutjob really did read the mind of god. Well I guess I'll join in the looting and basic lawlessness of the next 5 months. First thing I'm going to do looting wise is find a gun store and take as much weaponry and ammo as I can fit in my car.

HAHA! And what a great song to finish this post to. "The Heretic Anthem - Slipknot"

If your looking for me on Saturday I'll be over in the Sinners corner.

Top 5 book series

My top 5 book series in no particular order.

Jack Ryan  - Tom Clancy
Dragonriders of Pern  - Anne McCaffery
Anita Blake  - Laurell K Hamilton
Wheel of Time - Robert Jordan
The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien

(Lord of the Rings) I was sucked into fantasy in High School. I had to read a book by an British author. I went to the library and Mom Littleton recommended "The Hobbit" by Tolkien. I thought she was a bit nuts and she said read the first 50 pages and if I hated it bring it back and she would think of something else. I was hooked.

(Anita Blake) I hang out in a Chat room that belongs to a website I have been a member of since 1998. (www.netlandtowers.com) and one day I asked them what books they would recommend since I was looking for new reading material. Someone (I wish I could remember who) said to read these books by Laurell K Hamilton. So I started with the first one and the rest is history.

(Wheel of Time) I jkept seeing the first book "The Eye of the World" in paperback at the grocery store near where I lived in Lex, KY. Finally one day I bought it. Read that one and looked for more. The second book in the series was still in Hardcover. Been a huge fan ever since. Because of WoT I found my current girlfriend and a host of other wonderful friends that I love a lot. I found them all at Netland Towers and I wouldn't trade them for anything. We all found each other because of a love of books and reading.

(Dragonriders of Pern) This series was a book store find. Just browsing titles. Awesome series.

(Jack Ryan) I saw (and still LOVE) the movie "The Hunt for Red October" and decided to find the book and read it. Since the books are generally better then the movie. I loved it so I sought out more Jack Ryan books since I liked the character really well.

Anyways, I love all these books and I recommend all of them if you love to read. Also if you know of a really good book series then feel free to recommend something I should read. I'm always looking for new reading material.

I have a big problem with Sheep Mentality

You know....I love all my friends, I really do. But sometimes I really want to hit them with a 2x4. I have seen several people post this stupid piece of shit on FB and I have to talk about it.

First the crap and I quote: 
"Let's be clear on this: OBAMA did NOT kill bin Laden. An American soldier, who Obama just a few weeks ago was debating on whether or not to PAY, did. Obama just happened to be the one in office when our soldiers finally found OBL and took him out. This is NOT an Obama victory, but an AMERICAN victory!! REPOST IF YOU AGREE!!!"

Ok, first off, Our President did give the order for our military to go into another sovereign Nation to kill a man. Doing something like this can cause a war, thankfully it hasn't as we have our hands full as it is. So while maybe Obama did not pull the trigger, he did order it to be done. So like it or not, in a round about way, he did do it.


A few weeks ago it was our Congress who was playing their political games over the budget. So stop lying and saying he wasn't going to pay them. It was the whole of the US government being dumbasses. You should be bitching about Congress getting paid during a government shut down, they get paid no matter what. Our government all need to come together to get the damn job done. 


Actually it was not our soldiers who found OBL. It was the CIA. Ok, I grant you the soldiers had to go in and go room to room to find him. So I guess its partially correct. But our government has been hunting this guy since Clinton was in office. So we've wanted him a long time. 


And I will grant you that it is not just an Obama victory, it is an American Victory. There were a lot more people working on this then just the president. You know, I get it that you don't like Obama. I have no problems with that. But stop spouting lies just because you want to feel better about yourself.


If it had been Bush who had ordered the mission to take out OBL you would have been jumping for joy and saying stuff like BUSH IS THE MAN! But because you have an unnatural hated of Obama you all keep saying this shit. Stop blaming others and start coming up with solutions. Educate yourself on what is going on in the world around you. READ, READ AND READ SOME MORE! I don't profess to know everything there is to know but I do try and do some research. That is all I'm asking, back up what you say with some facts. Don't make shit up. 

I don't like to talk politics because it starts arguments. Likely this will as well.

Douchebag is dead!

On 11 SEP 2001 we were all stunned by an evil terrorist attack on our country. I remember sitting at home, I had just logged on to the Internet and one of our friends from overseas said, "You need to turn on your TV now." So we did and we watched in horror at the second plane hitting the second Tower. We continued to watch as the buildings came down, the reports of the pentagon being hit and yet another plane crashing in Pennsylvania. I remember wondering just how many planes were going to be used as a weapon.

As the Tower came down I remember saying, "Oh my God, all those Firefighters." You see I was a Firefighter myself in a small town volunteer FD and I knew that those men of FDNY were in them. I also worked at E911 as a dispatcher. Just two days after those attacks we got many calls from concerned citizens wanting to know if we were under attack again. You see my hometown is a low level flight path for training of the military. Everyone became concerned when F-16s go screaming over town on a training flight. Not as if the military hasn't been doing this for years or anything. We loved it as kids to run outside and watch them go screaming over. It was awesome! Back in those days it was A-7s that went over. But as a 911 Dispatcher I had to assure them that it was just training. I also remember watching the TV for days hoping to see some survivors pulled from the rubble at Ground Zero. 

I remember the stunned feeling after all this that someone could do this to us. Then it came out that Osama Bin Laden (Douchebag#1) and his al-Qaida flunkies were responsible. I have never wanted to kill anyone as bad as I wanted that asshole dead.

Now, as of 1 May 2011 we finally are able to kill that fucker. I could not be more thrilled about that. I have never been happy about someone dying but this time, this time I am thrilled. Will killing him stop the terrorism? No, it won't. But to finally kill them man who planned it and was happy about people dying, that makes me very happy. So hats off to our Military for pulling this one off. We love you and thank you from the bottom of our hearts.

Work and Social Anxiety

The last few days I have pondered what to write in my blog. I guess its gonna be about work and me.

Recently I have noticed that I truly starting to hate working on the floor at work. Working on the floor means working out with the customers that come in. Right now is a slow time for us at work so I get pulled from the stock room to ring customers up or talk to them on the floor. I hate it. I don't like talking to people who don't want to talk to me, they want to look around. But its my job to talk to them anyways. I try to make it as painless as possible but god, I can't take it much longer. I love working in the stock room part. I know if I was still on meds for anxiety I could do this. But no health insurance, no meds.

See, I was diagnosed with Social Anxiety among other things. I don't like people much. Never have really. I mean I'm fine most of the time. Uncomfortable sometimes even with people I know. I sometimes have to leave a room full of people to go be alone. Just cause I need to be able to breathe. The bigger the crowd the more I tend to head for a corner, put my back up against a wall and all that. Even knowing that I'm like this I still have to walk away sometimes. I can't really explain it. I just know that I do better in smaller groups then in large gatherings. I can sometimes fake it really well. Most people that know me don't know I have anxiety with people. I was always the one at the party who ended up running the stereo to get away from everything.

So yeah, I'm looking for work again, just to get away from people. Factory type is best, since I don't have to deal with customers. Sucks, but because I like the people I work with.

Risky Activities for kids

When I think of risky activities, I think of Mountain climbing, hang gliding, parachuting out of plane to name a few. I certainly don't think of red rover, kick ball or whiffle ball as risky. That is fucking insane! I guess kids are suppose to stay inside, play video games, watch TV and get fat instead. I'm am so sick of so called lawmakers telling people what they can and can not do. Check this out if you want to know why I'm ticked off.

Risky activities according to NY state lawmakers.

This kind of shit needs to stop. I for one am sick of it. Kids are gonna be kids and that means sometimes they get hurt. I was one of those kids who played games and I didn't die from it. I even, heaven forbid, PLAYED DODGE BALL!!! Oh my god!! It's a wonder I didn't die! Yeah right, stupid people making kids into pussies. I scraped my knees and lived. I played baseball (WITHOUT a helmet) and lived! I played tackle football WITHOUT pads and lived! I even played, red rover, kickball and whiffle ball, all without dying! WTF? How did that happen?

I think kids will live if they play these games. As a matter of fact I bet they won't get FAT if they get outside and play more! Hey how about that, a cure for the childhood obesity problem. Kids getting exercise by playing games with friends OUTSIDE! OMG I'm a genus!

Seriously though, kids need games like this to have fun, not sitting and watching TV. They need to be outside playing not sitting on their butts playing video games. They need to ride bikes, and run and just be kids. The sure as shit don't need to be inside all the time. Its no wonder people are becoming big pussies.

Who is this Wannabe Rock Star?

So I thought I would tell you a little about myself.

I was born and raised in Northeastern Kentucky. The town I was raised in was the largest town in the county and we were only about three thousand people back then. My great grandfather owned one of the two drug stores in town. When I was young we even had a grocery that delivered to our house. Some stores these days are starting to bring that back but back then it was pretty normal. It was owned by a local couple it was pretty awesome. Because my great grandfather owned a store I knew most of the other store owners as well. (Being a small town everyone kinda knows everyone anyways.)

I was raised in town but we lived on the edge. From our house the next hill was outside the city. We had a creek that I played in daily as a child. Most of the other kids I played with were all boys. There was no girls in my neighborhood that was close to my age. So I learned to play baseball, football, basketball. We played with hot wheels and pretended we were soldiers with our toy guns and army shirts.

Once I graduated High School, I didn't know what to do with myself. (Still don't really know) I wasn't forced to go to school or get a job. But once fall came around I had to decided something. So I decided to go to school. I started in the spring semester at a community college and did ok. So I applied at a state university and was accepted. It was the same school my mother had attended. I started out as a business major and ended up switching to Art. I actually went 4 years there but in my senior year I quit. I was so burned out on school and just didn't care.

After that I worked a bunch of different jobs, moved around a bit, then finally in 1996 I moved back home with my great grandparents. I stayed with them since they were both to the point they needed a little help. We had some girls hired to help them during the day and I stayed with them at night.

I got to spend the last years with them and I do not regret any of it. My great grandfather passed away in '98 and my great grandmother in '01. They left me the house and I stayed there until 2003 when myself and my girlfriend moved to Florida. I left the house with my mother and she still lives there. We stayed in Florida about 8 years before moving to Minnesota so my girlfriend could be closer to her family. My girlfriend is a grandmother and she wanted to be able to see him more often.

So now I live in the Great White North...haha and I find that I like it. The people here are friendly and nice. I don't have to put up with the rude assholes that live in Florida. There are some good people in Florida but there are some prime grade A jerks too. I guess that is true where ever you live but it seems to be better here.

I've left a lot of details out just because I don't want to bore you. But at least you might know me a little better. My politics tend to be fiscally conservative and socially liberal. I believe that Gays and Lesbians should have the same rights as straight folks have. I don't think you should try and shove your religion down my or anyone elses throat. I think you have a right to free speech and firearms but you should have some restraint on when you use either of them. I think people should stop suing everyone over dumbshit and start using their brains for something other then a container for air. I think that people should stand on their own two feet and stop standing around waiting for a hand out. I hate political correctness and people should grow a little thicker skin. I think that a woman has a right to decide what to do with her body and you or I shouldn't tell her what to do. I STRONGLY believe in FREEDOM of religion and you can believe in whatever you like. And sometimes I think the human race is like a herd of cattle, it needs to be culled at times.

If you don't like me or my beliefs then there is the door, don't let it hit you in the ass as you leave. If you don't mind my beliefs then stick around, this might just be an interesting ride.

A beginning...

Well, here it is...a start...my start I guess. I keep thinking I really want to blog. So I have decided to try it. What is it going to hurt? Nothing I think. Possibly an outlet for me, we'll see if I can really do this. I'm sure, if I stick with this, will be full of rambling posts. I tend to ramble and sometimes get off track. See? I'm already doing it. This might be harder then I thought.


So I was trying to think of something to write about. It is the one thing I have the most problem with. I will sit down to write something and my mind goes blank for a topic. So I decided to type in google one day, blog idea generator. Well sure enough there are some. How about that.. so I pick one and one of the first ideas that come up is "Write about your memories when you were a certain age." Thats not a bad one actually. So I will tell you of one of my first memories.

The very first memory I have is of being loved. I can see the picture in my mind even today just as clear as it was then. I was an infant (Yes I really can remember this) My great grandmother was rocking me in a red rocking chair. This chair was in our house all though my childhood. Anyway, she was rocking me and I don't remember a bottle so my guess was I had a passy instead. It was late, late enough that the TV was showing nothing but snow. (Back in the day of 3 TV channels and they signed off at midnight or 1am) The TV was the only light on and the rocking chair would "walk" back through the living room. We had a gray short napped carpet and the TV was a black and white, and stood on 4 short legs. I just remember being there in her arms and feeling loved, content and happy.

I know this to be a real memory because years later when I was still a child I told her I remember her rocking me when I was a baby. She laughed at first as if she didn't believe me but then I began to describe to her the room and other details. She sat there with her mouth open surprised but she said it had to be true. She did that more then a few times with me as an infant and the room was changed a bit not long after including their first color TV! This is the only real memory I have at that age.

Of course she is gone now, I don't live there anymore but I still remember. She raised me, her and my great grandfather. I was lucky to have them with me into my thirties. I'm in my mid forties now and I miss them everyday. I don't think there is a day that goes by that I don't think of them.

Not a bad start if I say so myself.