1. reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing; confidence.
2. confident expectation of something; hope.
3. a person on whom or thing on which one relies
I don't trust people as a general rule. People have to earn my trust. Part of me wants to trust more people but I tend to get hurt by the very people who are suppose to love me, care for me. Maybe that is the problem. Love. It tends to cause me not to think with a wise mind. I tend to be more of an emotional mind and that leads to poor decision making.
People also tend to disappoint me. Maybe I shouldn't rely on people. I really don't like to ask for help. I think it just leads people to say they will do something and then not follow through. I'm really trying to stop believing things, or should I say that people, are this way. But again, it leads to being hurt. I hate being hurt. It tends to piss me off.
prom·ise [prom-is]noun, verb, prom·ised, prom·is·ing.
noun
1. a declaration that something will or will not be done, given, etc., by one
2. an express assurance on which expectation is to be based: promises that an enemy will not win.
3. something that has the effect of an express assurance; indication of what may be expected.
4. indication of future excellence or achievement: a writer who shows promise
5. something that is promised.
I hate promises. People like to promise they won't hurt you. They won't lie to you. They will always be there for you. Lies, all lies. It hurts to be lied to and it hurts when promises are broken. So stop making promises you don't intend to keep, like, I won't leave you.
com·mit·ment [kuh-mit-muhnt]
noun
1. the act of committing.
2. the state of being committed.
3. the act of committing, pledging, or engaging oneself.
4. a pledge or promise; obligation
5. engagement; involvement
Another thing people love to lie about. It is so damn rare these days when someone truly commits to something or someone. Another thing for people to promise, which leads to lies which leads to hurting someone you are suppose to care about. Another thing that ends up crushing trust.
I guess what I am trying to say is this.
Do not use these words lightly. They have very deep and heavy meaning. Do not ever earn someone trust, with false promises of commitment. I know it seems to be rare anymore for anyone to take these things as seriously as I do. When I make a commitment to someone I really mean it. I don't leave just because things get tough.
I know I have issues, we all do, weather we want to admit to them or not. Am I perfect? Hell no. But I believe in those three words. I think if we all truly believed in those words and used a little empathy for each other the world wouldn't be so damn fucked up as it is now.
I really want someone who believes in trusting someone enough to make a promise not to leave or give up when things get tough. Commit to them to at least give it everything you have before you walk away from something or someone.
I wish I felt like everything that could have been done was. Then I could walk away with my head up and knowing that everything that anyone could do was done, and things just weren't meant to be. But when you give up, shut down and stop talking, well I feel like there is a lot of unfinished business. But I guess that's my issue.
So I guess its time to take myself to bed since I am exhausted and I bet when I reread this later I can't make sense of it.
