26 April 2011

Work and Social Anxiety

The last few days I have pondered what to write in my blog. I guess its gonna be about work and me.

Recently I have noticed that I truly starting to hate working on the floor at work. Working on the floor means working out with the customers that come in. Right now is a slow time for us at work so I get pulled from the stock room to ring customers up or talk to them on the floor. I hate it. I don't like talking to people who don't want to talk to me, they want to look around. But its my job to talk to them anyways. I try to make it as painless as possible but god, I can't take it much longer. I love working in the stock room part. I know if I was still on meds for anxiety I could do this. But no health insurance, no meds.

See, I was diagnosed with Social Anxiety among other things. I don't like people much. Never have really. I mean I'm fine most of the time. Uncomfortable sometimes even with people I know. I sometimes have to leave a room full of people to go be alone. Just cause I need to be able to breathe. The bigger the crowd the more I tend to head for a corner, put my back up against a wall and all that. Even knowing that I'm like this I still have to walk away sometimes. I can't really explain it. I just know that I do better in smaller groups then in large gatherings. I can sometimes fake it really well. Most people that know me don't know I have anxiety with people. I was always the one at the party who ended up running the stereo to get away from everything.

So yeah, I'm looking for work again, just to get away from people. Factory type is best, since I don't have to deal with customers. Sucks, but because I like the people I work with.

19 April 2011

Risky Activities for kids

When I think of risky activities, I think of Mountain climbing, hang gliding, parachuting out of plane to name a few. I certainly don't think of red rover, kick ball or whiffle ball as risky. That is fucking insane! I guess kids are suppose to stay inside, play video games, watch TV and get fat instead. I'm am so sick of so called lawmakers telling people what they can and can not do. Check this out if you want to know why I'm ticked off.

Risky activities according to NY state lawmakers.

This kind of shit needs to stop. I for one am sick of it. Kids are gonna be kids and that means sometimes they get hurt. I was one of those kids who played games and I didn't die from it. I even, heaven forbid, PLAYED DODGE BALL!!! Oh my god!! It's a wonder I didn't die! Yeah right, stupid people making kids into pussies. I scraped my knees and lived. I played baseball (WITHOUT a helmet) and lived! I played tackle football WITHOUT pads and lived! I even played, red rover, kickball and whiffle ball, all without dying! WTF? How did that happen?

I think kids will live if they play these games. As a matter of fact I bet they won't get FAT if they get outside and play more! Hey how about that, a cure for the childhood obesity problem. Kids getting exercise by playing games with friends OUTSIDE! OMG I'm a genus!

Seriously though, kids need games like this to have fun, not sitting and watching TV. They need to be outside playing not sitting on their butts playing video games. They need to ride bikes, and run and just be kids. The sure as shit don't need to be inside all the time. Its no wonder people are becoming big pussies.

17 April 2011

Who is this Wannabe Rock Star?

So I thought I would tell you a little about myself.

I was born and raised in Northeastern Kentucky. The town I was raised in was the largest town in the county and we were only about three thousand people back then. My great grandfather owned one of the two drug stores in town. When I was young we even had a grocery that delivered to our house. Some stores these days are starting to bring that back but back then it was pretty normal. It was owned by a local couple it was pretty awesome. Because my great grandfather owned a store I knew most of the other store owners as well. (Being a small town everyone kinda knows everyone anyways.)

I was raised in town but we lived on the edge. From our house the next hill was outside the city. We had a creek that I played in daily as a child. Most of the other kids I played with were all boys. There was no girls in my neighborhood that was close to my age. So I learned to play baseball, football, basketball. We played with hot wheels and pretended we were soldiers with our toy guns and army shirts.

Once I graduated High School, I didn't know what to do with myself. (Still don't really know) I wasn't forced to go to school or get a job. But once fall came around I had to decided something. So I decided to go to school. I started in the spring semester at a community college and did ok. So I applied at a state university and was accepted. It was the same school my mother had attended. I started out as a business major and ended up switching to Art. I actually went 4 years there but in my senior year I quit. I was so burned out on school and just didn't care.

After that I worked a bunch of different jobs, moved around a bit, then finally in 1996 I moved back home with my great grandparents. I stayed with them since they were both to the point they needed a little help. We had some girls hired to help them during the day and I stayed with them at night.

I got to spend the last years with them and I do not regret any of it. My great grandfather passed away in '98 and my great grandmother in '01. They left me the house and I stayed there until 2003 when myself and my girlfriend moved to Florida. I left the house with my mother and she still lives there. We stayed in Florida about 8 years before moving to Minnesota so my girlfriend could be closer to her family. My girlfriend is a grandmother and she wanted to be able to see him more often.

So now I live in the Great White North...haha and I find that I like it. The people here are friendly and nice. I don't have to put up with the rude assholes that live in Florida. There are some good people in Florida but there are some prime grade A jerks too. I guess that is true where ever you live but it seems to be better here.

I've left a lot of details out just because I don't want to bore you. But at least you might know me a little better. My politics tend to be fiscally conservative and socially liberal. I believe that Gays and Lesbians should have the same rights as straight folks have. I don't think you should try and shove your religion down my or anyone elses throat. I think you have a right to free speech and firearms but you should have some restraint on when you use either of them. I think people should stop suing everyone over dumbshit and start using their brains for something other then a container for air. I think that people should stand on their own two feet and stop standing around waiting for a hand out. I hate political correctness and people should grow a little thicker skin. I think that a woman has a right to decide what to do with her body and you or I shouldn't tell her what to do. I STRONGLY believe in FREEDOM of religion and you can believe in whatever you like. And sometimes I think the human race is like a herd of cattle, it needs to be culled at times.

If you don't like me or my beliefs then there is the door, don't let it hit you in the ass as you leave. If you don't mind my beliefs then stick around, this might just be an interesting ride.

16 April 2011

A beginning...

Well, here it is...a start...my start I guess. I keep thinking I really want to blog. So I have decided to try it. What is it going to hurt? Nothing I think. Possibly an outlet for me, we'll see if I can really do this. I'm sure, if I stick with this, will be full of rambling posts. I tend to ramble and sometimes get off track. See? I'm already doing it. This might be harder then I thought.

So I was trying to think of something to write about. It is the one thing I have the most problem with. I will sit down to write something and my mind goes blank for a topic. So I decided to type in google one day, blog idea generator. Well sure enough there are some. How about that.. so I pick one and one of the first ideas that come up is "Write about your memories when you were a certain age." Thats not a bad one actually. So I will tell you of one of my first memories.

The very first memory I have is of being loved. I can see the picture in my mind even today just as clear as it was then. I was an infant (Yes I really can remember this) My great grandmother was rocking me in a red rocking chair. This chair was in our house all though my childhood. Anyway, she was rocking me and I don't remember a bottle so my guess was I had a passy instead. It was late, late enough that the TV was showing nothing but snow. (Back in the day of 3 TV channels and they signed off at midnight or 1am) The TV was the only light on and the rocking chair would "walk" back through the living room. We had a gray short napped carpet and the TV was a black and white, and stood on 4 short legs. I just remember being there in her arms and feeling loved, content and happy.

I know this to be a real memory because years later when I was still a child I told her I remember her rocking me when I was a baby. She laughed at first as if she didn't believe me but then I began to describe to her the room and other details. She sat there with her mouth open surprised but she said it had to be true. She did that more then a few times with me as an infant and the room was changed a bit not long after including their first color TV! This is the only real memory I have at that age.

Of course she is gone now, I don't live there anymore but I still remember. She raised me, her and my great grandfather. I was lucky to have them with me into my thirties. I'm in my mid forties now and I miss them everyday. I don't think there is a day that goes by that I don't think of them.

Not a bad start if I say so myself.