I pledge to myself to be a better person. To not be angry with the world for my place in it. To live life to the fullest. To be happy. to be content with myself. To be bold when needed and weak when I need that too. To have the confidence I need to be a good person and a good friend. I want to be the friend that I've received from others.
Am i going to be perfect? No I'm not and that is ok too. I will be comfortable with me. I love me for who I am now, not the old me but the new one, the one that is here and now.
I have a lot of work ahead of me. So I say this so that "I" know what I want.
I recently went through a break up with my partner of the last 13 years. I am still reeling from it. I have my good days and my bad ones. I am sad pretty much all the time, but I can put on a good face when I need to. I start seeing a councilor tomorrow. Hopefully it will help. I wrote the above because that is what I want I'm just having problems figuring out how to get there.
I don't know what I am suppose to do now. I have no direction in my life. I just go to work, attend my TKD and Jujitsu classes and come home. I was living here in Minnesota because my partner was from here but now I have little reason to stay. But then again, I have no where else to go either. My mother and sister would tell me to just move back home, but there really is nothing there other then family. I just don't know what to do. I don't want to just exist, I want to live but how does someone do that?
I'm so lost and lonely. I just want someone to hold me and tell me it will be ok.