My theme song - What Hurts The Most

"What Hurts The Most"

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don’t bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out
I’m not afraid to cry every once in a while
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I’m ok
But that’s not what gets me

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was tryin’ to do

It’s hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
But I’m doin’ It
It’s hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I’m alone
Still Harder
Getting up, getting dressed, livin’ with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

Not seeing that loving you
That’s what I was trying to do

(RASCAL FLATTS lyrics are property and copyright of their owners.)

Questions

So, since the breakup I have been doing a lot of soul searching. What makes me happy? What am I passionate about? What do I love? Who am I? Right now I still have no answers to any of these questions. Well, actually I do have a few things that make me happy at times. Things like Tae Kwon Do, Jiu Jitsu, and good friends.

As for the rest I am still trying to figure it out. I know that part of my problems stem from all the bull shit I'm going to have to wade through in Therapy. So far I like going to Therapy. It's nice to talk to someone who really listens and comes up with something I hadn't thought of before. So that's good for me.

I don't think I've ever been really passionate about much of anything. I'm not sure what that means or what it would feel like. As for what I love, well I did (Still do) love Cheryl but that's over so I need to let her go. But what else do I love? I guess maybe my dogs. But that's not really what I mean I guess. I mean what do I love? Is it something material or something intangible? I really have no clue.

As for who I am, I have no idea. I don't guess I've ever really figured it out. Maybe through Therapy I will start to figure it out. I dunno. I think it is why I feel so lost. I don't have any idea who I am.