DBT, What is it? and Why I'm doing it.

Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) is a form of psychotherapy that was originally developed by Marsha M. Linehan. You can view more of what this is HERE.

The general idea for this is to learn and refine skills in changing behavioral, emotional, and thinking patterns associated with problems in living, that is, those causing misery and distress.

We have states of mind:
1. Reasonable Mind - Operating out of a logical mind
2. Emotional Mind - Operating out of emotion
3. Wise Mind - Using both reasonable and emotional minds to come to a decision.

There are many words to describe the first two, both good and bad. But the wise mind is where we are thinking clearly and we are in touch with our emotions. This is where we make wise decisions.

There are skills that we will learn that will help us use our Wise mind instead of one of the other two. The first two, called "What" skills, that we learned tonight was:

1. Observe - just notice or pay attention or become aware without words. Stick to the facts, avoid interpretations or assumptions.

We can observe inside ourselves and outside ourselves. Inside is physical sensations, thoughts, feelings or emotions. Outside we can observe other people and the environment. You can not read anyone's mind so you do not know what they are thinking or feeling.

Take a moment and try to observe WITHOUT using words.

It's hard isn't it? I think it is.

2. Describe - Put into words what you observed but stick to the facts. Do not use judgmental words, like pretty, ugly, dumb, or smart. Or any other words that make a judgment on something or someone.

Now of course there was a lot more into this than just what I wrote. I just wanted to give a quick overview of what was talked about. (I did take notes :)

We also have to keep a weekly diary log sheet. It helps us to remember our skills and to practice them.

So why do this you ask?

Because I have been stuck in a rut for the better part of 48 years and I'm tired of thinking the same shit over and over again. Something has to give. The way I have been living isn't working for me anymore. So I have to do something to be able to live with myself, without all the, anxiety, anger, doubt, lack of self worth and etc. I want to be comfortable in my own skin. I think this will help me. I hope it does. I'm going to try my best to do this. I'm not doing this for any one person, but I am doing it for me.

Work and Social Anxiety

The last few days I have pondered what to write in my blog. I guess its gonna be about work and me.

Recently I have noticed that I truly starting to hate working on the floor at work. Working on the floor means working out with the customers that come in. Right now is a slow time for us at work so I get pulled from the stock room to ring customers up or talk to them on the floor. I hate it. I don't like talking to people who don't want to talk to me, they want to look around. But its my job to talk to them anyways. I try to make it as painless as possible but god, I can't take it much longer. I love working in the stock room part. I know if I was still on meds for anxiety I could do this. But no health insurance, no meds.

See, I was diagnosed with Social Anxiety among other things. I don't like people much. Never have really. I mean I'm fine most of the time. Uncomfortable sometimes even with people I know. I sometimes have to leave a room full of people to go be alone. Just cause I need to be able to breathe. The bigger the crowd the more I tend to head for a corner, put my back up against a wall and all that. Even knowing that I'm like this I still have to walk away sometimes. I can't really explain it. I just know that I do better in smaller groups then in large gatherings. I can sometimes fake it really well. Most people that know me don't know I have anxiety with people. I was always the one at the party who ended up running the stereo to get away from everything.

So yeah, I'm looking for work again, just to get away from people. Factory type is best, since I don't have to deal with customers. Sucks, but because I like the people I work with.