DBT, What is it? and Why I'm doing it.

Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) is a form of psychotherapy that was originally developed by Marsha M. Linehan. You can view more of what this is HERE.

The general idea for this is to learn and refine skills in changing behavioral, emotional, and thinking patterns associated with problems in living, that is, those causing misery and distress.

We have states of mind:
1. Reasonable Mind - Operating out of a logical mind
2. Emotional Mind - Operating out of emotion
3. Wise Mind - Using both reasonable and emotional minds to come to a decision.

There are many words to describe the first two, both good and bad. But the wise mind is where we are thinking clearly and we are in touch with our emotions. This is where we make wise decisions.

There are skills that we will learn that will help us use our Wise mind instead of one of the other two. The first two, called "What" skills, that we learned tonight was:

1. Observe - just notice or pay attention or become aware without words. Stick to the facts, avoid interpretations or assumptions.

We can observe inside ourselves and outside ourselves. Inside is physical sensations, thoughts, feelings or emotions. Outside we can observe other people and the environment. You can not read anyone's mind so you do not know what they are thinking or feeling.

Take a moment and try to observe WITHOUT using words.

It's hard isn't it? I think it is.

2. Describe - Put into words what you observed but stick to the facts. Do not use judgmental words, like pretty, ugly, dumb, or smart. Or any other words that make a judgment on something or someone.

Now of course there was a lot more into this than just what I wrote. I just wanted to give a quick overview of what was talked about. (I did take notes :)

We also have to keep a weekly diary log sheet. It helps us to remember our skills and to practice them.

So why do this you ask?

Because I have been stuck in a rut for the better part of 48 years and I'm tired of thinking the same shit over and over again. Something has to give. The way I have been living isn't working for me anymore. So I have to do something to be able to live with myself, without all the, anxiety, anger, doubt, lack of self worth and etc. I want to be comfortable in my own skin. I think this will help me. I hope it does. I'm going to try my best to do this. I'm not doing this for any one person, but I am doing it for me.

Today 4-22-13

So, I've started therapy. I have PSTD which manifests itself as depression and anxiety. Today my therapist asked me this question.

"What makes us who we are?"

My reply was "The sum of our experiences."

To which he asked me, "What makes up those experiences?" and I replied, "Our memories of certain events."

He challenged me with this.

(Btw, this was a lengthly conversation to which I am shortening for this blog) Our memories can lie to us. Make us believe things about ourselves that is not true. Especially when we have no one to talk to about them and we feel completely alone. Things like the words, worthless, nobody, not important, coward, powerless, and etc. An experience we have had can make us believe any of those things and more, but it does not make them reality. We are not any of those things. One thing that happened to me doesn't make me worthless, a coward, or powerless.

He told me he thinks these things make up our experiences.

1. Thoughts
2. Emotions
3. Physical Senses

Those three things make up the sum of an experience.

Now this really has me thinking about the memories of an experience that pretty much was the cause of my PSTD. When it happened it made me angry, very angry. But I could not express that anger. So it made me feel powerless. Because I was powerless to express my anger or take it our on the event that caused it, I felt worthless and a coward because I felt powerless to do anything. Do you see the vicious cycle that these thoughts and memories can cause? I had no one I could talk to at the time. I felt like I was the only person to feel that way. I was afraid to talk to anyone.

But now I'm starting reexamine those memories and look at them again. I am not the person I was then. I know in my mind that I am none of those words I used to describe me. What I need to do is get my heart to believe it.

(I won't go into detail of what the cause was, lets just say I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Not even someone I hate.)